With the recent advances in optical phase change material (PCM), photonic in-memory neurocomputing has demonstrated its superiority in optical neural network (ONN) designs with near-zero static power consumption, time-of-light latency, and compact footprint. However, photonic tensor cores require massive hardware reuse to implement large matrix multiplication due to the limited single-core scale. The resultant large number of PCM writes leads to serious dynamic power and overwhelms the fragile PCM with limited write endurance. In this work, we propose a synergistic optimization framework, ELight, to minimize the overall write efforts for efficient and reliable optical in-memory neurocomputing. We first propose write-aware training to encourage the similarity among weight blocks, and combine it with a post-training optimization method to reduce programming efforts by eliminating redundant writes. Experiments show that ELight can achieve over $20\times$ reduction in the total number of writes and dynamic power with comparable accuracy. With our ELight, photonic in-memory neurocomputing will step forward towards viable applications in machine learning with preserved accuracy, order-of-magnitude longer lifetime, and lower programming energy.